Heave the Hawk
Heave Hawk Harrelson Chicago White Sox Baseball
Ken “Hawk” Harrelson once said,Know your hawk, Chicago White Sox Baseball

"I'm very proud of every point of my .239 batting average."

Well then, Ken, how would you sum up your broadcasting career? Would you say that you are proud to shamelessly lay the same Southern-fried, twangy drivel on good Chicago baseball fans year after year? Are you proud to be the most blatant homer in the history of baseball broadcasters? Would you brag about your ability to tell an entirely pointless story over the course of four innings? Or would you simply mutter, "stretch," like it was no big deal? 

Well, stretch THIS, Ken. You've made it a big deal. You see, we're here to put the "Hawk" in "He Gone." You're an amateur, sir.  Chicago is tired of your Oakley-wearin', self-promotin', Reinsdorf-strokin' act. In other words, find your fellow broadcasting hack, Darrin Jackson, and hop the next train to Mudville. 

If we must listen to someone who butchers the English language, then at least let that person embody the spirit of our great city. You, sir, do not. You, sir, never played for the Chicago White Sox. Indeed, you were General Manager for about one year. You managed alright...managed to screw up a pretty damn good team. Fire Tony LaRussa??? Trade Bobby Bonilla for a couple of bats and a pitching machine??? What is your major malfunction, Ken?????

Now, we understand that you're just trying to make it in this cruel world. Aren't we all? So here's a suggestion: shut your mouth and go pitch batting practice or something. Frankly, we have seen and heard enough of your crap, Ken...and you can put that on the board...YES!!!

How does Hawk's .239 BA stack up against other bums?
Take a look...now that's some goooood company!

Bruce "Eggs" Benidict .242
Rob Wilfong .248
Darrin Jackson .257
John Wockenfuss .262

BTW, Tom Paciorek's career average is .282