august 24, 2010 08:06pm

Hawk Looking More Like A Muppet

Chicago, IL - The Hawk's haggard appearance of late prompted White Sox catcher A.J. Pierzynski to note that, "Hawk looks more and more like a Muppet each day." The 68 year-old Harrelson, who regularly draws the ire of White Sox players when he wanders into the clubhouse in search of "stray beers," has not impressed recently.

"He comes in here the other day and has the nerve to offer up hitting advice," said youngster Brent Lillibridge, obviously underwhelmed by Harrelson's .239 career average.

What is impressive, according to manager Ozzie Guillen, is Hawk's beer consumption. "He godda gooo buzzz on de odder day, dat crazy ol' Naco." However, players have grown tired of Hawk rummaging through the fridge while yelling, "don't stop now, boys."

Sources report that pitcher Bobby Jenks balled up a Burger King wrapper and threw it at Hawk as he turned around the other day. Jenks was questioned by the aging announcer, and replied, "I don't know what you're talking about, jerk-off. You look like a Muppet." Jenks then iced his arm heavily.

august 06, 2010 10:09pm

"I was golfing with Mickey Mantle..."

Bullshit.

april 07, 2010 05:17pm

2010 Non-Hawk Schedule

56 total pages   >>