Heave the Hawk
Heave the Hawk Harrelson, Chicago White Sox Baseball

10 Reasons Why “The Hawk” Must Go:


1. Repetitive nature. See Hawkisms. The Hawk has "described" the events in a ballgame with the same lame catch phrases for over 20 seasons.

2. Homer. The Hawk is more cheerleader than broadcaster. He calls the Sox the “good guys,” and the opponents, “bad guys.” Why is Harrelson such a rabid Sox fan anyway? It's weird. He should have been a fan when he was General Manager.

3. Hillbilly. The fair city of Chicago is the third largest media market in the country. So why must we listen to a South Carolinian carnival barker with NO White Sox connection? But wait, he was GM, you say? Yes, read on.

4. GM Schmee-Em. Harrelson's .239 career batting average looks good compared to his run as Sox GM in 1986. He fired Tony LaRussa, the most successful manager in the game today, over personal differences. He traded Bobby Bonilla for a pitching machine (Jose DeLeon). He almost single-handedly sent the team to Florida. How can any self-respecting Sox fan support The Hawk?

5. "The Best at this/that." You can count on The Hawk to tell you who the best player in any particular situation is- no matter how specific. “Nobody can draw a walk in a day game like Carl Yastrzemski, DJ. Nobody. He's the best I've ever seen at that.'”

6. Playing Daze. The Hawk yaps incessantly about what it was like when he played. "We used to play with cow patties...we had cow patty bases...cow patty balls..."

7.Yastrzemski man-crush. When he's extra fired up, Harrelson shows evidence of a disturbing Carl Yastrzemski man-crush, gushing about the BoSox slugger for innings at a time.

8. Dead Air. The Hawk often says ABSOLUTELY NOTHING for minutes at a time, especially when the Sox are losing.

9. Jay Mariotti obsession. The Hawk regularly wastes valuble air time confronting his arch nemesis, Jay Mariotti. Just call the game, Harrelson. Don't be such a baby.

10. Because he sounds like that Boomhauer guy from "King of the Hill."

 

Read the manifesto Manifesto v1.1